Painting for Myself or for my Father?

Classical style painting of Cap malheureux church - 2029

Today I'd like to share my personal experience on this subject. When I started painting in oils in 1986, I truly believed I was doing it for myself. At home in Phoenix, I was always surrounded by paintings by Mauritian artists my parents especially loved: works by Roger Charoux, Marcel Lagesse, Yves David, and Maurice Ménardeau (a French Navy painter who painted Mauritius extensively), among others. I spent hours looking at these paintings, dreaming of one day being like them.

So, like them, I began painting in oils. Every time I finished a painting, I showed it to my father to get his opinion. Only later did I realise I was really after his approval. My father, Yvan Lagesse, worked at the Mauritius Commercial Bank. He started as a typist and worked his way up to become General Manager of that long-established institution. He always wanted the bank to play an active part in preserving Mauritius's cultural heritage, and he devoted his whole life to growing the MCB's stamp, coin and art collections.

My father was very strict about ethics and professional conduct. He made it clear that the MCB would never buy one of my paintings while he was running the bank. He did, however, hang a painting I had given him in his office on the tenth floor, and that was one of my greatest rewards. For the young painter I was then, seeing one of my works hanging alongside painters such as Max Boulé, Roger Charoux and Maurice Ménardeau meant real recognition.

My father passed away in 2012, and that was when I realised my main audience was gone. His death left an artistic void deep inside me because, for the first time in my life, I no longer knew who I was painting for. It was clear that for more than twenty years, my aim in painting had been to win my father's approval and hope for a positive reaction from him. I had started the Zafer style in 2003, but I knew deep down that it wasn't his favourite. He had classical tastes in art, and this colourful, graphic style wasn't what he liked most. I never showed him my paintings in that style.

Tamarin Bay - 2007

For almost a year, I didn't produce a single painting. I was shaken by his death and by the artistic void it had left in me. Painting classical oils no longer served any purpose, and painting in the Zafer style felt a little like betraying him. Was I painting for myself or for my father?

In 2015, I realised that I absolutely had to start painting for myself. I decided to devote all my time to the Zafer style because it brought me the most joy. I also realised I had created a unique style of painting: one that belonged to me and that I could shape however I wished. I began working only in this style, trying to give it an identity that reflected who I am. I left classical oil painting behind because it now belonged to my past. After years of painting for my father, it was high time to paint for myself.

Today, I wonder what my father would say about my Zafer style and my decision to devote my whole artistic life to it. Would he be pleased? I often want to tell him about the incredible adventure of creating a style and how good it has been for my mental health.